mvu.one

Reclaiming Time

I sit here now after our first full week in the new apartment, sweating profusely as the building's AC won't be activated until May and we've had a handful of uncharacteristically hot days.

For nearly a month now I feel that I've accomplished nothing. Strangely, looking at how my has been spent I've actually accomplished quite a bit -- the move went well, I've been seeing friends, exploring the city with my dog and partner, building tools at work and by most metrics getting a lot of shit done... but the part of me I compartmentalize away and consider "mine" hasn't had much time to do stuff lately, and its the things I finish (books, games, projects) in that time that make me really feelaccomplished.

I think maybe it's strange that I don't include partner activities or social hangouts part of "my" time, as these are often times spent doing things I want to do with people I love to do stuff with. I think there's just a special fulfillment that comes from doing a thing entirely of your own will to satisfy an entirely personal desire: writing characters for a game I'll never make, playing a game from deep in my backlog, practicing drawing, reading detailed tutorials/articles on shit I'll probably never need to know.

The part that sucks about this is I've had lots of opportunity for my own time lately, but my head's just been distracted this past month. The spans of time I could have claimed were instead drained by social media and watching mindless youtube shorts. I've been turning off instead of taking the reins and doing shit.

Even walking, --an activity I usually categorize as "my" time since I can dig into audiobooks -- hasn't been mine lately, as background process of 'settling in' has been eating up all available bandwidth.

I've caught myself now, though, and am finally feeling somewhat settled in to the new place. Pushing myself to sit down at my laptop and introspect (instead of doom-scrolling) is what I needed to reboot my head and see all the opportunities I've been missing to do my own thing.

With nothing planned for tomorrow, I think I'm going to try stealing the whole day.

Last weekend my partner and I went to take a look at a couple of apartments. Theoretically this was just to take a look at what kind of stuff was available, but we found something we really liked and pulled the trigger a whole month earlier than planned.

As a result, I'm in shambles. I'm the kind of person who tends to fret about details when stuff gets time-sensitive, so organizing a move and all of the timeboxed to-dos like purchasing cheques (10 day delivery time, really?), prepping deposits, hooking up utilities and planning a move are all things that aren't difficult but their time sensitivity turns me into a fidgety mess. The only thing that hits me worse is airports.

Of course, this fretting translates into reduced functionality at work, which pushes my deadlines and, in turn, increases anxiety. The vicious anxious cycle

These things have translated into falling off what was starting to be a successful diet (stress eating) and budding workout habit (replaced with pacing, which is at least still moving). I've also essentially abandoned my side projects for the time being as I need to spend the creative focus I still have on keeping pace with work stuff.

And so, I think, it is time to step back and take a breath. Write a little blog post to help me orient myself and align my expectations with the coming changes to lifestyle. Talk myself out of the panic, if you will.

With the move I will transition once again to a vagabond lifestyle, existing half of the time with my partner in our new apartment, and half the time with my family in my quiet-town home close to my work. This will translate to more time in transit, which is an excellent time to focus on more audiobooks. In the past this travel time (when not jammed with traffic) was some of my favorite alone time to really dig in to good books, so I'll be getting that back.

Our increased rent and more expensive city lifestyle is going to translate into less money for my more costly hobbies. Video game collecting, trading card games, and purchasing obscenely expensive pens and inks are probably all out for the forseeable future. However, in the last few years I've established a very large backlog of both retro and modern games, and a very robust collection of fancy pens, papers, and inks. Now I've got more incentive to play all the games I've already got and spend more time writing with the pens and inks I love so much.

The stress I'm currently going through is preventing me from focusing on my game-making hobby and I'm not finding joy in it currently. I just end up pacing and playing games and ripping through time on youtube and social media sites. This, however, is a temporary state, and I will eventually settle and once again crave the satisfaction of making things. I should use this as an opportunity to get through more of my backlog. Read more books and play more games on my must-play list. Use this as an excuse to break out my retro handhelds and get to games I may never have made time for.

As for the diet? Fuck it I'll have time for that later. If I spend the next 3 weeks undoing the good I did in the last 3 so be it. The success I had was the proof I needed that I've "still got it" and can seriously and consistently cut back on the food and move more. I can pick up those pieces once I've re-established a comfortable rhythm.

And work I need to stress about less. Nothing is broken and I work in the public sector. My deadlines are to meet expectations, not profit margins, and the occasional lull in productivity can be forgiven by talking honestly with stakeholders.

So things aren't so bad. Life isn't over with this move, it's just changing. Just because I like the way things are now doesn't mean they won't be better after the change -- after all, where I am now is the result of just such a change in the past which I'm sure I was loathe to make at the time.

I also finished the audiobook of Vagabonds by Hao Jingfang over the weekend; a story about a colonized and independent Mars experiencing growing pains. Big spoilers ahead.

I finished my read-through of 20th Century Boys (and 21st Century Boys) yesterday and sat pondering about what I'd just read for a good while. The story itself was very compelling, and the characters kept me coming back to the comic any time I had a spare moment; it's a fantastic piece of manga storytelling and character design... until the third act where everything falls apart. Full-on spoilers ahead.

I completed the "good" ending of OMORI last night -- that game was a ride. (spoilers ahead)

OMORI is a game about grief, both dealing with it and failing to deal with it. Without revealing too much of the story, the game takes place partially in the real world, and partially in "Headspace", a bubbly imaginary world the protagonist has built to reside in and hide from their suppressed memories and emotions. In Headspace you and your troupe of friends explores and plays and has adventures with many cartoonish characters, while the real world mostly progresses the story and character development and is populated many of the same (less-idealized versions) residents as Headspace.

While most of the "action" (read: rpg battles and puzzles and quests) take place in Headspace, the events that happen there are for the most part meaningless. While they occasionally mirror things in the real world, it's mostly fluff. This is on purpose: the whole reason Headspace exists is to escape from reality. At the start of the game I found myself impatient to get back to Headspace where things were nice and my characters were leveled up, but by the end I was impatient to get finished with Headspace stuff to see what happened in the real world.

The transition between the two worlds, and the occasional incursion of one into the other, is there OMORI gets dark. The truth that the protagonist is desperately trying to bury surfaces, and he's forced to face his past and his fears. This manifests in legitimately dread-inducing visuals and audio that really elevates the game to the fame it's rightfully gained.

The game makes use of a handful of jump-scares throughout, but they don't feel cheap, usually leaving you uneasily thinking "what the fuck did I just see?". Married with the slower and more deliberate horror sequences of the protagonist literally fighting their fears, the game manages to frequently drive a cold knife into your gut.

On the topic of gameplay, OMORI manages to bring both of its charm and dread to its battle system. While it's a fairly simple turn-based combat system with cute or silly enemies, the game adds in emotion manipulation to the core battle strategy. You can make enemies and allies Happy, Angry, or Sad, with each emotion having pros and cons and being able to stack (eg. Angry->Furious). The emotions form a rock-paper-scissors triangle, meaning it's to your benefit to manipulate enemy and party emotions to maximize damage output.

While this mechanic is neat as a fighting strategy tool, it also adds a really novel way for storytelling within the otherwise simple battles. Boss fights often directly leverage this, swinging their moods in story-appropriate ways. It also adds potential to surprise the player with scripted or otherwise inaccessible emotions.

I don't have much to complain about with this one. Some of the quests in the real world felt fairly pointless (not an achievement hunter), and the longer side-quests seemed awkwardly placed at a point in the game where the story was at a tipping point which threw off the pace. Besides that this was a great experience with both bright and cheery highlights and gut-wrenching depths. It really sets you up then knocks you down with surprises right through to the end.

While my intent was to read more scifi novels this year I keep getting drawn into mangas before I can get attached to anything I'm reading. The latest of these was The Land of the Lustrous which was a completely random pick.

At 12 volumes the story feels mostly done, though I think there's some wiggle room in there if the authors want to stretch stuff out, but it was a very interesting read. What starts out at a cutesy almost sailor-moon-esq story involving agender (though very feminine) human-looking characters made of various gems quickly tuns into a story about forgetting one's self and one's purpose in the pursuit of goals.

I really enjoyed the series. At first I enjoyed the silliness tinged with dread when the "bad guys" showed up, but the otherwise simple characters got fairly messy as the story progressed and the protagonist gets straight-up ship-of-theseus'd and descends into questioning everything.

Super unique flavor in this one, and they even made an anime of it (albeit 3d anime), though I doubt a second season will be released.

I finished Exhalation by Ted Chiang the other day, and I was extremely pleased with it! It's cover-to-cover grade-A sci-fi good-shit.

Two of the stories blew me away with their creativity: the titular "Exhalation", and "Omphalos". Both of these went beyond sci-fi in their "what-if" propositions, and were fantastic.

"The Lifecycle of Software Objects" had me plucking at old ideas on the tragedy of abandoning digital pets. How we could craft digital entities that are designed to be loved and cared for, then have them inevitably be abandoned to exist, forever awaiting a pixellated meat-on-bone that would never come again until the death of their battery. While heartbreaking as a child, it really was a mercy that the Tamagatchi creators had the creatures eventually "die"; not for the creatures -- they were just few lines of code and some pixels -- but for those who cared for them that inevitably needed to move on.

I think I'll need to pick up the author's other collection, and perhaps just delve more into Scifi short stories in general!

After maintaining this site for almost half a year I've got my first actual something-worth-posting project. I present to you: Aseprite-to-TIC80 Parallax Background.

This project got started after I saw some really cool pixel artwork on Mastodon back in november by an artist called PlusPixels:

Inspiration had struck: "I want to make an interactive parallax version of this on the TIC-80".

Side note: I got the original author's permission to use their work before continuing.

To achieve this, I'd need to try my hand at pixel art and re-draw the image layer-by-layer, keeping the following TIC-80 limitations in mind:

• resolution of 240 x 136
• 16-color palette
• maximum of 256 unique 8x8 tiles (technically 512, but let's stick with 256)

There's probably cleverer ways to go about this than re-drawing everything from scratch, but I am a simple person, and the pixel art part was actually pretty fun.

This was my first non-trivial pixel-related endeavor, and it took a lot longer than I'd expected. I used the lovely Aseprite software to do the pixel pushing, which is something I've been meaning to tinker with more for a long time. It has a very useful grid tool that let me line up my pixels and easily copy/paste 8x8 chunks.

Here's an example of a slice of one layer with all the re-used 8x8 blocks numbered:

While it's not nearly as good as the original, and missing some key details I couldn't really fit into the downsized version, I eventually had my 240 x 136 16-color 8-layer version of the artwork ready to port over to TIC-80.

That's step 1 complete!

After the very melancholy "Never Let Me Go" I needed a pick-me-up, and turned to the first of Brandon Sanderson's Kickstarter novels: Tress of the Emerald Sea.

It was a great little standalone novel! A little Young-Adult for my usual tastes, but for an audiobook I can't think of anything more comforting than a Sanderson novel read by Michael Kramer (and / or Kate Reading). It's like a big bowl of pho -- you know what you're going to get; there may be a couple small surprises but you're guaranteed feel warm and full afterward.

I try to take something away from everything I read, and from this one I glinted a hint of how to make characters lovable. The book's particularly sassy / sarcastic narrator has a way of humanizing characters that you didn't particularly care about extremely quickly via goofiness. In one particular instance, a nameless character dies, and the narrator quickly tells us that fallen character's name and some silly story about their strange beliefs, and suddenly you're a little sad they're dead.

The tone of the book is very humorous so it's easy for these kinds of jokey situations to come up, but I think back to the JRPGs of my youth and this was similarly used, especially with super-serious characters, to make them more likable. A trip or failure to communicate is a super quick way to endear a character to readers / players.

Anyways, Tress was a nice fun light read with a neat little world and lovable characters. Now I'm ready for some more heavy shit.

Just finished reading Fire Punch. I had actually put it down after finding the first volume kinda stupid, but ended up hooked back in when I was waiting in my car recently and my 20-minute app limits on Reddit and YouTube had been used up.

It remained kinda stupid. Really stupid, actually, but it stayed interesting enough. Watching the characters repeat the evils of those they sought revenge on was well done, if a little shallow. A lot of it smelled of how-fucked-up-can-we-get-away-with with the charred corpses and burning children, but at the same time the whole thing felt weirdly nostalgic -- it had that hyper-violent pseudo-philosophical-but-not-actually-saying-much mouthfeel to it that reminded me of the old JRPG / manga auteurs that crafted the messed up borderline-incoherent stories of my youth.

It was a very different quick read, and stupid isn't necessarily a bad thing every now and then. Stupid can be fun.