Thoughts: On Lack of Output

While I was intending to "blast into the new year", things have been going even slower than usual so far, and today for the first time in a long time I seriously considered the fact that I may never produce anything of significance in my lifetime.

Perhaps it was pulling my back making me feel my youth sliding away, or the realization that I've only spent an hour per week on my side projects lately. Maybe it's even been the really good books and games I've been reading and playing that are putting real talent into perspective.

At 33 I can't remember the last time I thought this -- it's always been my assumption that eventually something good would fall out of my interests and efforts. Being a semi-creative-type my whole life with so many projects and skills, it was a foregone conclusion that one day all these things would come together on their own and I'd produce something; a game or a book or a song or an idea that was at least one other person's favorite thing.

But that may not happen. I'm not exactly shocked or appalled by the idea -- the vast majority of people never produce anything at all, let alone something memorable. It is, however, a new and alien thought that is only a shade or two shy of self-pity, and I need to make sure I keep that in check.

I'm far from a starving artist, so my creative endeavors have never been more than a hobby. I lead a life of leisure and general comfort. I put a lot of effort into my job, and spend most of my evenings with my family or reading or playing games that inspire me or make me think.

The reality is that I'm still pretty far from good enough to accomplish the things I'd like to accomplish. They say it takes 10,000 hours to master a skill -- at an hour a week that's almost 200 years! While I intend to "master" any skills, the reality is I'm definitely much more than a couple of side project away from being a decent writer or character designer or programmer or game developer.

But that's OK. I'll keep working on my small projects and achieving my tiny goals. I'll keep exploring new skills and ideas. Maybe something one of these days will light that fire in me that makes for creative greatness.

And if not? So be it. I'm still enjoying the ride.